My Last Pry: I Wanna Monkey, but not Dane Cook's Monkey

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I Wanna Monkey, but not Dane Cook's Monkey

This is for muh boy, MM.

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"I was talking to this girl the other day, and she said, "All guys want is sex." And I go, "Look, finish blowing me, and we'll talk about this later." That's a lie. I just said that cause it's funny. She actually said that. She goes, "That's all guys want, Dane, is sex." I said, "Neh." I said, there are other things guys want besides sex, we're just a little embarrased to admit it. I'm putting it on the universe so that you can respect and understand us for who we are as men. For example, any guy here, more than sex, if they had the choice of sex or this thing, any guy here would rather be part of a heist. You know every time you watch the movie Heat, you think, "I wanna do that." You wanna be running down Main St. with an AK-47, yelling, "Where's the van? The van was supposed to be here." We want the guy on the computer who's like, "Dude, I need one more minute." "Where's the fucking van?" .... I wanna be a part of a heist, and I wanna get shot right here in the back of the leg. It stings, but it makes me look kinda cool. *gunshot* "Ah shit. I keep looking at the blood, going, "Nah, nah, nah, nah. Where's the van??!"

We wanna be a part of a heist, and there's something else we want, more than the heist, more than the sex, we'd love to have a monkey. A pet monkey. And people get mad; there's always that one anti-monkey guy in the area who's like, "Excuse me, I overheard you saying that you'd like to have a monkey, and that's a horrible idea. You do not want a monkey. " They're a monkey expert, and they start listing off all the reasons you can not have a monkey. "Let me tell you a few things, if I could. If I could just tell you a few things about monkeys. that you don't know before you jump to your conclusion. Ok, it's more than just bananas and dancing with toothbrushes, ok? First of all, they crap in their hands, and throw it around in a festive manner, in a celebration of monkey poop. They make faces that are unacceptable in human society."

And I hear these things, and I'm like, "That's why I want a monkey, all those reasons." I don't want a nice, little quiet monkey. I want an evil monkey, that I can dress in armor, give him a sword, have fights with him inside my place. How pumped would you be, driving home from work, knowing that somewhere in your house, there is a monkey that you are going to battle? That's awesome! You walk in. "AARRGGHHH (monkey noise)." "Monkey? You here? "AARRGGHH." "Where are you?" "ARRGHH, I'm in your closet." "Holy shit, you just talked!" "I know, I taught myself to talk." "This is incredibly odd." "I know, let's fight!" "OK."

This would be the ultimate. What if, after the heist, you jump into the van, and the monkey is driving the van! "Get in! We've got to go!" It makes me sad, cause I know it will never happen.

-Dane Cook

What is EM08?

We have to get ready.
We have to fight.
-Carol, The Walking Dead (S07E13)

Intro, September, 2012

The Econ Meltdown of 2008

It's been over 3.5 years since I got very curious about the historic welfare bailout triggered by the massive implosions of Bear, Lehman and the soon to be shotgun wedding bride, Merrill, to groom B of A.

With OUR money. I did say "welfare."

I tell anyone who'll listen that when I began researching EM08 in Q1 09, within a few weeks I knew we were in the midst of the biggest story ever. Bigger than any wars, atrocities and cruelties. It makes atom bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki look bush league. And I'm Japanese.

History has shown us the ebb and flow of empires past; Mongolia, Rome, England... but because of the limitations, the relative crudity of the technology of the times, empires past were limited to portions of the earth, their colonies.

Today is different. With a military base in every corner and a bazooka aimed at every citizen on earth, we exist in the era of the first true global empire. But here's something even more disturbing; our weapons of mass destruction come bathed in the glow of purity, but it's the purity of Walt White's blue meth.

Those wmds are what's destroying the EU right before our eyes. To those like Matt Taibbi, Goldman helping Greece rig its books in order to gain entrance into the EU is old hat and not even square one of EM08. But it illuminates the thesis; the EU crisis is an American one, with the fingerprints of American banks all over it. Pension funds, sovereign debt funds, hedge funds... you name it. All got taken in, or rather more accurately, just taken. The scope is staggering. All were suckered into the biggest con in history involving the entire world far beyond what any empire past or futurist could have possibly dreamed of.

Ultimately horrific and the most interesting story ever.

The other big theme I asked in 2009; Why has no one gone to jail? The Obama administration, AG Eric Holder and the various regulators have done absolutely NOTHING amidst the Godzilla of crime scenes. In fact, they have arguably enabled the psychopathic banksters and associated thugs with a string of settlements that are sickening embarrassments.

I'm anything but an economist. These are my "everyperson" observations based upon what citizen journalism I can muster. Need I say it, this time is history being writ LARGE. My bullet point advice for the coming tsunamis ahead (yes, that's plural):

1. Get educated; there's no time like now to start learning about the way the American system of economics works. Even a cursory glance on a consistent basis at some of the analysts and blogs I cite (see sidebar links "EM08 Analysts to Trust" and "EM08 Blogs I Like") will begin to shed light if you really reflect and chew on the cud. Ironically, in a time of extreme unemployment, this is work.

2. WAKE UP - THE ENEMY HAS DECLARED WAR. The eCON elites have already made it abundantly clear that they do not care about and even look down on "the little people." It therefore makes sense to connect with others of like mind. You do yourself no favors by acting in isolation.

You are not a super hero and no god will save you from the wrath of the eCON elites when your number comes up. Ask the millions of taxpayers who were raped by "having to give" the largest socialist welfare theft in history to shithead bankers for their evil pre-2008 machinations so that they can dole out bubble era bonuses for 2009! Also be aware that as of February, 2010, these shitheads are doing the same things that got us in trouble before. In fact, because of even more welfare era conglomeration that created the super banks -- ironically in the face of "too big to fail" which, like so much of political speech, turns out to be empty rhetoric -- it can be persuasively argued that the bankers' position is stronger than ever. The lesson is that the eCON elites conglomerate and so should we. As the Ethiopian proverb says, A million spider webs can take down an elephant.

Note: Throwing your hands up and shrugging, feeling helpless, remaining uninformed, not even trying... essentially doing nothing, is the worst "strategy" of all. It plays right into your enemy's hands and is not just easy, it's lazy and weak. It makes you, in the con artist's playbook, a mark. Which in the fall of '08, became painfully clear we all were.

The bottom line: Your enemy is highly organized and powerful, they are relentless and they are coming. They are Skynet and the Death Star on super roids, the ultra Terminator that will not stop. This is not being alarmist, this is not hyperbole and this is not a screenplay. February, 2010: The biggest socialist welfare "mothers" in history, Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein and JPMC CEO Jamie Dimon take BONUSES of $9mil and $17mil respectively, thanks to the welfare money they and uncle scam stole from us and while the world is on its knees. The national debt is over $12 TRILLION with interest counting fast. Does that sound like we're playing poker with a strong hand?

3. Organize strategically. In an era of unprecedented complexity, too much information, obfuscation, deflection, mis-direction, filibustering avoidance, mass media manipulation, and outright censorship, the ONLY answer is pragmatism based upon strategic insight. Take lessons from the analysts cited below, connect with others, form small, agile communities of support, and PLAN. Not to do so is to go to war armed with a Nerf ball.

NEED: A local, national and even international network of these small, agile communities so that they can share resources and support. Tall order, but the time to start is now simply because the eCON elites have such a tremendous head start and as of Q1/2010 EM08 is still in the beginning stages.

WATCH FOR: EGOS (include your own!) & BUREAUCRACY. Communities that hedge their bets by acting strategically, egalitarian and fair have the best shots. There is nothing wrong with good leaders, provided they are fair and do not succumb to the god complex. Remember, in insane times, sobriety and pragmatism should be your first rule. In other words, if times are hard, what would you rather have, a gold ingot or clean water?

Good luck to us. We need it.

For much, much more: CLICK HERE for EM08 Posts

lordonlow at gmail dot com

RZA

Piri Thomas

My father Juan, also known as Johnny, once gave me some advice in the art of survival, saying, "Listen, hijo, sometimes you don't look where you're going and you stumble into trouble. You must learn how to spot danger by learning to smell the ca-ca at least twenty miles away, for remember, son; that mierda not only walks on two feet, but it comes in all colors." I moved to exercise my powers of being able to smell ca-ca twenty miles away and to recognize the difference between ca-ca and flowers, when my father stopped me. "Por favor, son, before you start out to smell other people's ca-ca, smell your own first, otherwise you'll get so used to smelling everyone else's, you might forget you have quite a bit of your own." Punto!